Why I’m an Autistic "Asshole"
Let’s get one thing straight right out of the gate—I’m not actually an asshole, I’m just autistic. But sometimes, the world mistakes my autistic traits for rudeness, coldness, or even cruelty. And that’s something I want to address.
The reality is, being a neurodivergent adult (and a woman, no less) means people often misinterpret my actions and intentions. Here’s why that happens, what’s really going on, and how you can help bridge the gap.
😑 Resting "Autistic" Face
You’ve heard of "resting bitch face," right? Well, I call mine "resting autistic face." It’s not that I’m upset, angry, or judging you—it’s that I simply don’t default to plastering a smile on my face.
My smile? Probably fake because I’ve learned society expects it.
Eye contact? It’s uncomfortable, distracting, and downright painful sometimes.
My neutral expression? It’s just my face—not a commentary on you.
😠 Being Direct Isn’t Being Rude
I value truth and accuracy over social fluff. If you say something incorrect, I might correct you—but it’s not because I want to embarrass you. It’s because I feel compelled to set the record straight. And yes, I’m also wrong sometimes, especially when it comes to social nuances.
I’m not trying to hurt your feelings.
I’m just more interested in facts than sugarcoating.
Assertiveness isn’t aggression.
😑 Masking Only Goes So Far
Masking—pretending to be neurotypical—is exhausting. And while I’ve learned to do it in certain settings, it’s impossible to keep it up indefinitely, especially when:
You’re behaving unkindly.
Someone else is being hurt, and my empathy kicks in.
My sensory overload hits (yes, sometimes your perfume is overpowering, or the lighting is a migraine waiting to happen).
When the mask slips, my true feelings might show, and that’s when people think I’m being mean. But in reality, my empathy and heightened sensory perception are in overdrive.
😐 The Female Autism Profile: Why It’s Harder for Women
Autistic women often have a harder time navigating societal expectations than men. We’re expected to be polite, nurturing, and socially adept—traits that don’t align easily with our autistic selves. The pressure to mask is higher for women, which leads to:
Greater mental health challenges. The constant demand to mask who we are takes a toll, leading to burnout, anxiety, and depression.
Harassment and bullying. When we don’t meet societal expectations, we’re often labeled as rude or difficult. This has been my experience in the workplace and in school, where the pressure to conform was unbearable.
Dropping out or leaving traditional paths. For me, masking and societal demands pushed me out of grade school. It’s part of why I’ve become an entrepreneur—to shed those unbearable expectations and create a life where I can be authentically myself.
Male autistic traits are often seen as "quirky" or even "eccentric," but when women display the same traits, we’re judged more harshly. Our struggles are more hidden due to masking, which means we’re not afforded the same leniency. Being my authentic autistic self—unmasked—is liberating but comes with challenges that society isn’t ready to fully accept.
😔 Small Talk Is Painful
As an autistic person, I prefer deep, meaningful conversations over small talk. Forced superficiality feels like nails on a chalkboard to me. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about connecting—I just connect differently.
I hate pretending to enjoy conversations that feel empty.
I prioritize authenticity over social niceties.
I’d rather have one meaningful friendship than 20 shallow ones.
😐 It’s Not Always About You
Sometimes, my "rudeness" isn’t even about you. Maybe I’m overwhelmed by a sensory experience you don’t notice—like a horrible smell, flickering lights, or background noise. My senses are about 40% more heightened than neurotypicals, so please cut me some slack if I’m grimacing.
What I Want You to Know
I am not rude. I am direct, empathetic, and sometimes overwhelmed.
Superficial social skills aren’t my forte. But I’m generous and deeply loyal to the people who get to know me.
Autism doesn’t make me less human. It makes me human in a different way.
Call to Action
Next time you think someone is being rude, pause for a moment. Ask yourself:
Could this person be autistic?
Are they overwhelmed, masking, or just being honest?
Can I extend empathy instead of judgment?
Let’s work toward a world where autistic people don’t have to fight to be understood—where we can simply be ourselves. That starts with awareness, understanding, and kindness.
If this resonates with you, share this post. Help others see that what’s perceived as "rudeness" might actually be autism in action. Together, we can build a more inclusive, empathetic world.
Let’s Connect
Do you struggle with navigating social expectations as a neurodivergent person? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Drop a comment or reach out—authentically, of course.