Standardized testing Autism

Why I’m Over Standardized Testing (And You Should Be Too)

Let’s talk about standardized testing. ISATs. County exams. National benchmarks. Whatever fancy acronym they come up with next year. I’m just gonna say it: it’s not helping our kids. And in fact, it’s doing real damage.

As a psychologist, mom, and a neurodivergent person myself, I’m calling this out:

These tests are hurting our kids’ mental health.

And here’s the kicker—there’s no solid research showing they even help in the long run. None. If anything, we’ve got data showing the opposite.

Stress, Trauma, and the Nervous System

Let’s be real. Sitting a child in front of a screen for 2–3 hours per subject, asking them to “prove their worth” through multiple choice answers? That’s not education. That’s performance-based fear conditioning.

Here’s what we know:

• High-stakes testing increases cortisol levels—that’s the stress hormone (Harvard GSE, 2019).

• Academic stress is a known risk factor for suicidal thoughts, especially in kids with limited coping skills (BMC Psychiatry, 2022).

• And one study even said that children’s school stress levels are 4x that of adult work stress. Think about that.

Now imagine doing that every day, for years. No wonder we’re seeing an epidemic of anxiety, depression, and school refusal.

Kids Learn Through Safety, Not Shame

In therapy, we never walk up to a child and ask:

“Hey, how do you feel about your trauma?”

You’d never get a real answer.

Instead, we use stories, art, play, characters—because when people feel safe, they open up. When they feel threatened, they shut down, dissociate, or mask.

Same thing goes for school. Kids need compassionate teachers, not cold evaluations. Paul Gilbert (Compassionate Mind) talks about how the brain learns best when it feels safe, connected, and supported. Think: Yoda, not Darth Vader.

But when we attach fear and comparison to reading, math, and writing?

We hardwire the idea that learning equals shame.

It’s Not Just Neurodivergent Kids Who Suffer—But Especially Them

Let me tell you what I’ve seen over the last decade in therapy:

The top sources of trauma in childhood?

Mom, Dad, and Teacher.

That’s not to place blame—it’s to acknowledge that kids spend the majority of their waking hours with those three adults. And if even one of them doesn’t know how to work with a neurodivergent brain—or doesn’t see the child clearly—it can create deep psychological wounds.

Learning differences like ADHD, autism, or processing disorders do not get better under pressure. They get better with support, flexibility, creativity, and safety.

I’ve Seen It Firsthand

My own son is homeschooled—and we love it. But even we got caught in the trap of state-mandated testing. He’s in 5th grade, he’s autistic and ADHD, and we’ve always focused on learning through movement, play, and nature.

But these tests?

They completely changed his energy.

He got anxious. Started comparing himself.

Wanted to know, “Did I get it right?” “What’s my score?”

Even though we reassured him it doesn’t matter… it still got into his nervous system.

Now imagine doing that every day, in a full public school setting. That’s not okay.

There’s No Evidence These Tests Help Kids in the Long Term

I want to be clear here:

There is zero solid evidence that standardized tests improve long-term outcomes.

None. Nada. Zilch.

They don’t help creativity.

They don’t improve resilience.

They don’t predict future success.

If anything, they destroy kids’ natural love of learning.

And let’s be honest, America is facing a creativity crisis. Kids are stressed out, burned out, and unable to think outside the box because we’ve trained them to follow the rules, not follow their curiosity.

What to Do If Public School Is Your Only Option

Okay, so let’s say you can’t homeschool. You don’t have the option for private. Your kid is in public school—and you’re doing the best you can.

Here’s what I want you to know:

• If your kid has a bad teacher—get them away from that person.

I know that sounds intense, but we’re talking about the early imprinting years of the nervous system. These teachers are in your child’s psyche for the rest of their life.

I do EMDR with adults all the time… and school trauma comes up constantly. That one shaming math teacher? That sarcastic third-grade teacher who called them lazy? That’s why they don’t want to do math anymore. That’s why they dissociate at work.

This stuff gets stored in the body.

So if you know the teacher is not safe, advocate like hell to move your child to a different classroom. Protect their nervous system.

• Ask for accommodations.

You have every right to say:

“My child cannot do five hours of testing.”

“They need frequent breaks.”

“They can only test in short sessions—one hour max.”

It doesn’t matter what the school’s requirements are—this is your child’s brain and body we’re talking about. You can’t “un-fry an egg” once trauma sets in. We don’t know how long that kind of shutdown takes to heal.

• Know this is a high-risk time.

Testing season is spring. That means it comes after winter—when kids are already burnt out, bored, and done with school. We see increased suicide risk around this time. That’s not a coincidence. So be on alert. Check in with your kids emotionally.

• Explore other options if possible.

• Charter schools sometimes offer more relaxed or creative learning environments.

• Homeschool-hybrid models are growing fast.

• Some states offer funding to help pay for private programs, co-ops, and nature schools.

• Idaho and Alaska are two of the best.

• Minnesota also has decent resources for neurodivergent families.

Personally, I mix homeschool with outdoor school, cooking classes, and creative programs. It doesn’t have to be “school at home.” You can build something that works for your child—even if it’s a patchwork of different things.

• Teach your child to advocate.

Don’t let school be the place where your child learns that they have no voice. Teach them to say, “This is too much.” Help them identify what’s overwhelming. Remind them they don’t have to push through pain to prove their worth.

You’re Not Alone

If your kid is struggling—or if you are—I offer parent coaching, support groups, and therapy. Because the truth is, the best way to help your child thrive is to support yourself first. When the parent is regulated, the child gets a roadmap for regulation.

If you’re tired of watching your kid be measured by numbers instead of their brilliance, I see you.

I’m with you.

And I promise—there are other ways.

References:

American Psychological Association. (2023). More than 20% of teens have seriously considered suicide. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/07/psychologists-preventing-teen-suicide

BMC Psychiatry. (2022). Academic stress and suicidal ideation in adolescents. https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-022-04063-2

Gilbert, P. (2010). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life’s Challenges. New Harbinger Publications.

Harvard Graduate School of Education. (2019). Tests and stress bias. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/19/02/tests-and-stress-bias

Terada, Y. (2022). The psychological toll of high-stakes testing. Edutopia. https://www.edutopia.org/article/psychological-toll-high-stakes-testing